


the whole of me

by mother_hearted



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Childhood Trauma, Intimacy, Love Letters, M/M, Name Reveals
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-21
Updated: 2020-03-21
Packaged: 2021-02-28 22:41:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 735
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23244940
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mother_hearted/pseuds/mother_hearted
Summary: When it comes to romance, Claude has always been the outsider standing down the other end of the hall, the face on the other side of the glass, the sharp eye squinting through the library stack.
Relationships: Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd/Claude von Riegan
Comments: 20
Kudos: 203





	the whole of me

**Author's Note:**

> yes, i'm still screaming about [this news.](https://twitter.com/MoPlaysPoke/status/1241227230824378369?s=20)

When it comes to romance, Claude has always been the outsider standing down the other end of the hall, the face on the other side of the glass, the sharp eye squinting through the library stack. Sure, he witnessed his parents in times of struggle and triumph, that woven together their story brought him into existence. They have a love story for the ages, even as a child he can see this as fact. Still, it's never done much for him. Every relationship is different, from the baggage hidden from outsiders to the way you compromise. 

Forced to humble himself since early childhood, Claude made the decision that if the world wouldn't stop burning him, then he would stop putting his hand into the fire. His ambitions would carry him away from humiliating human needs like wanting to be held, wanting to be laughed with and not at. 

Wanting to be loved.

A world with people who would love him beside his parents... 

If it didn't exist, then he couldn't compromise until it did. 

His heart would be unreachable, unknowable, unable to be pinned down by daggers coated in malice and hate.

Many moons pass after he falls for Dimitri. They share tea, horseback riding, a bed, political advisement, hours locked away in Claude's library chatting about boyhood long gone. Worn down by Dimitri's love like rock wall carved by the slapping sea, Claude tells him his name. The name he is proud of, the name he misses, the name that sends signals to his brain to look for any curl of disgust, grimace of discomfort on Dimitri's face, or worse: disappointment darkening his baby blue eye. 

There's none of that.

Childishly, Claude flees. Excuses himself to business that won't start for another hour. Cannot be in the same room as Dimitri. Needs to walk. To run. Flee to the open space of his estate's green to think from every angle what this means. 

_Why did I tell him. I didn't think I was ready to tell him. Fates, what if he changes his mind._

And angrily, _What has he done to me, to make me slip like this._

Claude compartmentalizes in evening meetings, rampaging storm tucked away in the back of his mind. When he returns to his quarters, beyond exhausted, Dimitri nowhere in sight he lets down his guard, and isn't prepared for the parchment left sitting on his desk. The ink is not fresh, likely written from earlier this afternoon...

He reads the greeting on top and tears, ancient and buried, stream down his cheeks. 

_My darling Khalid,_

_You did not give me the time to respond, so I have written you this letter._

Claude swallows, hand covering his face when he grips the letter to his chest. His darling Khalid. He has to go on but first he needs to push his heart back down his throat and into his chest where it belongs. Fuck. 

"Dimitri..."

He sits at his desk and wipes at his eyes, gloves soft on his skin, and continues.

_If this is the name you wish to be called in private, I am more than happy to do so. You have been in Fodlan more than half a decade now. Though our circumstances differ, I know the pain of speaking to those who you hold dear, yet never hearing your name from their lips. When you started to refer to me by the diminutive of my name, I felt joy I was convinced I lost as a child, burned away to char and smoke._

_You proved me wrong._

_Please let me do the same for you._

_I will be free in the afternoon tomorrow._

_I will see you then,_

_Dima_

In the privacy of his bedroom Claude crumbles over his desk, shaking as he finally allows himself to process what is happening. Again and again, Dimitri accepts him so easily. No matter how many times Claude looks, he can't find a ploy, a reason for Dimitri to lie. 

He's just in love with him. 

All of him.

Tomorrow Claude will face Dimitri over tea and he doesn't have to pretend the scent of Almyran Pine doesn't remind him of home. 

Slung over his desk Claude allows himself to weep for the first time since he was a boy, Khalid and Claude finally able to co-exist in the same room, no longer compromising for one or the other.


End file.
